Top 10 reasons not to attend a country western concert in the new millennium
It's finally done! I went to a Rascal Flatts concert this summer and I am sorry to say, but it sucked! I guess I am not a true fan. With the help of SH who grew up in the South, we made this list based on my experience at the concert...Dave Letterman style. Here is the top 10 reasons not to attend a Country Western Concert in the new Millennium.
10. Since everyone is required by the laws of country music to drive an SUV or pickup to the show, you will have to walk your happy ass across 6 miles of parking lots just to get to the ticket counter.
9. Johnny Cash, Willie Nelson and Charlie Daniels would'nt pay $5 for a warm draft Budweiser, and neither should you.
8. Three words... Yuppies in Boots.
7. Seeing that many Nascar and Jeff Foxworthy T-shirts in one night could leave you permanently brain damaged.
6. There is no stadium seating in existence that is steep enough for you to see over all the big hair on the ladies in front of you.
5. Your odds of being in a seat next to a guy in overalls with deerblood on them are about 1 in 4. 4. The odds that he bathed since killing that deer are 1 in 6.
3. Since country music kicked the Dixie Chicks out for thinking, the collective IQ of the crowd and band will be around 7 or 8. If there are pyrotechnics involved, this could spell trouble.
2. The 10-gallon hats are matched only by the 10 gallons of urine on the bathroom floor.
And The number one reason, by personal experience why not to attend a Country Music concert in the new Millennium is
1. It only takes 2 Natural lights and some Hank Jr. in the parking lot to turn 4 mild-mannered softball Moms into the shit-talking drunken ladies of wrestling. And they will be sitting right behind you all night long.
The bonus is personally from SH so here goes....
Bonus upside to country music concerts in the new millennium!
*Due to the recent pussification of country music by Gap-wearing sissy-boys, the chances that you will get into it with someone who could actually kick your ass are greatly reduced!
10. Since everyone is required by the laws of country music to drive an SUV or pickup to the show, you will have to walk your happy ass across 6 miles of parking lots just to get to the ticket counter.
9. Johnny Cash, Willie Nelson and Charlie Daniels would'nt pay $5 for a warm draft Budweiser, and neither should you.
8. Three words... Yuppies in Boots.
7. Seeing that many Nascar and Jeff Foxworthy T-shirts in one night could leave you permanently brain damaged.
6. There is no stadium seating in existence that is steep enough for you to see over all the big hair on the ladies in front of you.
5. Your odds of being in a seat next to a guy in overalls with deerblood on them are about 1 in 4. 4. The odds that he bathed since killing that deer are 1 in 6.
3. Since country music kicked the Dixie Chicks out for thinking, the collective IQ of the crowd and band will be around 7 or 8. If there are pyrotechnics involved, this could spell trouble.
2. The 10-gallon hats are matched only by the 10 gallons of urine on the bathroom floor.
And The number one reason, by personal experience why not to attend a Country Music concert in the new Millennium is
1. It only takes 2 Natural lights and some Hank Jr. in the parking lot to turn 4 mild-mannered softball Moms into the shit-talking drunken ladies of wrestling. And they will be sitting right behind you all night long.
The bonus is personally from SH so here goes....
Bonus upside to country music concerts in the new millennium!
*Due to the recent pussification of country music by Gap-wearing sissy-boys, the chances that you will get into it with someone who could actually kick your ass are greatly reduced!
posted by SL | 7:53 PM
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home